I give up on life.
Words wont even come out of my anymore. I just have no more energy to communicate. I’ve never felt so much pain than i do at this moment. I am writing this to show you just how done i am with trying to live. I am now 23 years old..and up until this past year ive felt like all ive ever done was try to survive and make others like me. if you ask someone about me they might say that i am nice, but being nice was all i ever did in hopes that someone would be a grateful friend. EVen when that wasnt the case i learned ot be nice and deal with all the bullshit until something good did happen. this past year i have tried so hard to be a better person, but i can’t anymore. i am beyond point of exhaustion and all the nice acts ive ever done had never resulted me in any form of happiness.
not only that i have always tried. ive always tried and tried again to change and look forward and be better and do better, but now i cant take it. Ive always looked for things that would prove my negative thoughts wrong but this time there is really l nothing i can think of. writing this now i am crying and weak and can hardly see…so i feel the most pathetic..
i dont know why God has never allowed me to be fortunate enough to have siple pleasures like the rest of the people out there. i dont know why i am always left to suffer through something that others view as minimal..but i can’t take the suffering anymore..
i want me life to be over. i want this to end. i can only imagine that if nothing has changed the past 20 years nothing will ever change. i am convinced that nothing better will ever come for me, because even if it did i know it would be taken away from me before i can even gain happiness from it.
i dont know what i wanted..but truly..simple things in this world seem to hard for me to achieve..a simple hello..or a chat..to ask how i am..and a genuine friend who could give advice in return…nothing like that has ever come easy to me.. so i give up..
not includinghow lost i am in my life at this age, and how unsuccessful i have been compared to others..i just dont see anymore reason to be alive..
i know no one will read this..but i give up, i really give up.. its time for the end and i am too exhausted to even breath..